Respect

Respect:

1. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
2. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Whenever I hear the word respect, I'm always at a loss to figure out exactly what that means, so I went to the dictionary & got two of the formal definitions. Seeing the words in black & white, I realize that the concept of respect is so simple.

First, & foremost, we have to have respect for ourselves. THAT'S the hard part. Yesterday I had an altercation with someone that I hold in the highest respect. It continues to haunt me as I write. It also has me doing a little more soul-searching, & looking for the answers.

It's easy for me to respect him; it's almost as if I've been holding his every word as gospel. Why? I am entitled to have my own emotions & thoughts, just as he is, and if they don't always coincide, then I shouldn't feel as though I'm the one that's wrong, nor should I have to apologize for my feelings. I believe that respect goes both ways. He thinks that I spoke my mind with no logic. No logic to him, that is. I don't see it that way.

The more I thought about it, the more hurt I felt, & still do. I sent an email, explaining MY logic, which, of course, he totally disregarded & responded with an email apologizing for jumping me. I'm not one to be able to stay away for long, even after altercations, so I talked to him last night. But, in retrospect, his email of apology was probably just his way of pacifying me, so that I wouldn't feel so bad. It has absolutely no respect in it, nor did he address any of my concerns.

I read a blog tonight which stated that the two most important things in a relationship are respect & follow-through. His point was that even though someone SAYS they respect you, the follow-through, or actions, have to show that respect also. In retrospect, I see that by his totally ignoring the email as far as what I had to say, SHOWS no respect for me.

This thought is totally disappointing to me. Since I have always considered him to be so learned, & so intelligent, thus respecting him, it disappoints me to think that he doesn't hold the same respect for me.

The point is, I have to have respect for myself. I am entitled to my own feelings, thoughts & emotions, & they are valid, whether anyone agrees with them or not. I shouldn't have to apologize for having them.