October isn't just a pink month...

This month isn't just about Breast Cancer Awareness. Did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? And apparently, it doesn't mean just romantic relationships, either.

Saturday mornings, I go to work for just long enough to pick up the mail, make any bank deposits that need made, & take care of any loose ends from the week. I walked in this past Saturday, & the boss had put two of our little heaters in my office, turned them on, & shut my door. My office was nice & toasty. He had also ordered a new, larger space heater in hopes that the gas heat won't be turned up too high this winter. He put the new heater in my office & had me leave it on so that the office would be warm on Monday.

I thought it showed how underneath his rough exterior, he DOES have a heart & can be a nice guy. After all the yellings & complaining he has done in the past month, let alone eight years, I was impressed. I was telling someone about it, & I could tell by his reaction; he was not impressed.

I realized then, that my thinking was typical of people who have gotten used to some type of abuse.

Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, isn't that how things usually go in abusive relationships? The person gets beaten up, & then the abuser comes along & does something nice, or apologizes, & the person accepts that, thinking the abuser still cares & is sweet, but then the pattern begins.

In my mind, I always thought of it as looking deeper into that person & thinking they had good intentions & a good heart underneath, but I think it isn't as basic as that. Perhaps they do have a heart, but those moments of apology & niceness don't negate all of the other words & actions to the contrary that we endure in-between.

Those moments can't possibly take away the effect that all the negativity has had on us. We just push the negative effect to the back of our mind, when these nice gestures are given to us. In actuality, we stay in a trap; like a hamster wheel.

I was actually shocked to come to this realization on Saturday, just by the reaction I received to the story. Shocked that my job can be likened to a mentally abusive relationship, & shocked that, once again, I can be sucked into not seeing the true picture. Perhaps I'm a slow learner, or a glutton for punishment? I'm easily satisfied by morsels of kindness, chalking it all up to the repressed goodness of people being shown in those moments.

Maybe these people do have a heart, but the acceptance of the negative behaviour allows them to get away with being negative bullies the rest of the time.

What we do with that knowledge is up to us. Tolerate it, knowing that we're allowing the behavior to continue, or not accept it anymore. And sometimes, that may just might mean....moving on.

Destiny calling...

I've heard that our lives are following some type of plan....we each have some type of destiny to fulfill.

I've been told that the people that have come into our lives & will come into our lives in the future, are all part of a purpose in this path of our destiny. If that's the case, then that means that we are also affecting their destiny. I can probably pick out good things that have come from each relationship & friendship, some lesson learned. I just hope the people I affect can say the same! That also means that the events & situations that we've gone through all serve some purpose too.

We all make our own choices in life, though. So, how is it that a destiny is prepared for us, if we're making choices that wouldn't follow along with the plan?

I have a hard time grasping this theory. Do YOU believe in Destiny?



See what I mean??

Toxic Thoughts

I watched Joel Osteen last week, & the premise was how we need to stop listening to toxic thoughts & remember who we are. Of course, he meant it in terms of remembering that we are all God's children, preparing to fulfill some destiny, (which is a blog topic in itself) but I'm not trying to Bible thump. I see his sermons as more motivational & inspirational, rather than religious.

It had me thinking of just how true it is, letting in these toxic thoughts. We start listening to negative things, & begin questioning ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts, & sometimes the basic core of who we really are as a person.

I read a couple blogs recently that all tie into this subject. Each from a different perspective. One pointed out just how cutting words can be from others, especially under the guise of "just being brutally honest". His point was that it doesn't show much class, & it's just another way of being cruel. Have you ever been on that end of that honesty? Basically, you either end up thinking, "what a bitch", OR, you start feeling like crap about yourself. I've walked away from conversations feeling beaten down....wonder if that makes the "honest" person feel better in comparing us?

We all carry our own personal demons & deal with them in our own way, in our own time. Some can deal with them head-on, quickly dispensing them from their thoughts, & move forward. Others turn outward, causing havoc & chaos to everyone around them, releasing their demons, "spitting out the venom" (as one of my old managers used to say).

And still others bury them, especially if we start listening to others & their negative thoughts. As a friend pointed out in her blog, we're told by people...our friends, family, society, whoever....to move on, quit dwelling, get over it, etc. I have another friend that says her dad's famous line was, "What are you crying about? Get over it". She started to think that she shouldn't feel bad, & by all means, don't let on if you do. Same with the advice my mom gave me, when I was the fat kid getting picked on in school. "Don't let them know it bothers you." So I didn't, but it did. You begin to conform to feeling in terms of what's acceptable. Or, some will compare what you're dealing with to their own problems, & they don't have the same degree of severity, so yours are quickly discounted. That doesn't change how you feel, or negate your feelings, it just encourages you to keep it to yourself, because you start to believe that yours doesn't compare, or it isn't rational to feel as you do.

Negative thoughts come at us in all forms, whether it be our family, friends, coworkers, bosses....when was the last time you were handed a compliment at your job? I know MY boss is quick to point out anything wrong, but do something right, & it appears to be overlooked. Sometimes it seems we're surrounded by these toxic thoughts, about a variety of subjects, & these thoughts start seeping in. It's important to dispel those types of negative & toxic thoughts & focus on ourselves, & that it's okay to feel, & heal, & do it in our own time. We need to do what's right for ourselves & our own happiness, despite what others try to tell us.

**Sigh** Easier said than done sometimes....an ongoing process...

I'm fibbing....or not....

Well, I have been tagged again... this time, by Behind a Plastic Smile. He says it's a little retribution from when I tagged him last time....I forgot all about that tag (**crossing fingers behind back**).

Here's the deal:

I have to put 10 statements about me, that can be answered with a simple true or false. Let's see how much you know about me! (if you know nothing, feel free to guess based on attitude, lifestyle, or however you wanna classify me)

I've done tags like this before, but since I'm too lazy to go look them up (& that handy little box up top isn't working), I'm guessing none of us will remember if I repeat myself! Geez, this took forever for me to come up with...

Here we go:

1. I studied with Jehovah's Witnesses for years, complete with Bible studies and not celebrating holidays.
TRUE. I studied with them for most of my marriage, so....12 years.

2. I have been married twice.
FALSE. Married once, one long-term mistake, I mean...relationship.

3. I like to argue & get my point across.
FALSE. I really don't like to argue, but I will, if necessary.

4. I am completely organized.
FALSE. I need a lot more organization!

5. I had an online relationship.
TRUE. I thought it was a strong bond, & not easily forgotten.

6. I like to figure out mysteries, subliminal messages, secret codes, reading between the lines, etc.
TRUE. I love figuring out hidden messages....the things unsaid, etc. I should have been a sleuth...lol

7. I have a sister, but we haven't spoken in years.
FALSE. I'm an only child.

8. I've had a journal since I was 15 that I write in daily, without fail.
FALSE. Although I had started a journal quite a few times, I've never kept up with one for very long.

9. I have a hot temper that flares quickly.
FALSE. My anger is more of a slow burn.

10. I am a packrat.
TRUE. I have to force myself to part with things. It even carries over into being an online packrat...I need to clean out my inbox badly.

Now, on to the victims:

Darron
Cherie
Dianna
Lee-Amber
Swampy
Randa
Foss
Arris
Lanie
and my last choice is Sex (Mahoney, perverts!)And a bonus tag: Gordo...I think he likes these things!


Thanks for playing!

* Note...if you know an answer...please don't say why you know...then it gives others clues...and who wants that??? Lol

It is what it is...

In my last blog, I mentioned that I would be meeting some friends that I had met on Myspace, & I have to tell you, I had a great time at both events.

I've seen quite a few blogs that discuss the point of whether friendships & relationships online can be real, & I would still argue that real bonds are made this way. Meeting in person just solidifies & strengthens those bonds.

The first event was a cookout with friends that I have been interacting with for years on here. I believe we all had a great time, & I'm looking forward to doing it again.

Don, Billy the Squid, Carl, Mistress in Distress, Malka, Cherie Amour & Me.



The next event was over a week ago...I can't believe I've been back that long already. We had such a good time.


If you've been around a while, then you've seen these familiar faces in my blog parties. I finally got the chance to meet them, by all of us gathering in Michigan for a Poison concert. You have to check out Dianna's blog for the rundown on the weekend.

And there you have us....ready for the weekend of events to begin...
Dianna, Eightezchic, her man Gene, Me, Steph & Darron. Darron was a great host, & we had a blast. It was completely comfortable in meeting with everyone, because we all had been friends already.



I didn't take advantage of opportunities in the past, so this time I couldn't pass it up, & it was totally worth it. Check out my friends & their pictures of the trip, & don't forget to stop in to Dianna's blog & say hello.

Great opportunites, great moments shared, & great memories....it is what it is....real.

To stalk, or not to stalk....

I'm just going to throw this out there for your opinions. Got your thinking caps on today?

Myspace stalking.....what actions make up stalking around here?

Carte blanche....wtf?

Carte Blanche....wtf?
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: MySpace

I don't know about anyone else, but I like to save things, like momentos of a time gone past. Call it sentimental, call it a nostalgic walk into the past (as Alan would call it), it's just me. Heck, my mom & dad saved all the letters they wrote each other during their courtship (& that was over 50 years ago), so maybe it's genetic for me...lol

Anyway, I don't often go through my old comments, but I happened to be looking not too long ago, & I was missing comments. How did I know? Because they were comments from someone who is no longer on my friend's list.

It isn't merely that these comments are now gone, although that disappoints & hurts me. I understand the wherefore & why of...SOME deleted comments. What really bothers me is that Myspace has these rules, like that you HAVE to be a friend in order to leave comments, or that you have to be a friend to email, yet a non-friend can come along to MY profile, & just erase every trace of evidence of ever having been there? How can that be? How can someone who is no longer friends with you, have carte blanche over YOUR profile, erasing comments & photo comments? Doesn't that sound...a little off? WTF??

Past tense...

"You are not defined by your past, you are PREPARED for the future by your past." - Joel Olsteen

For the past few months, I have been watching Joel Olsteen on Sunday mornings. I got hooked when I was up that early getting ready for work. I haven't turned into a Bible thumper, but I do like discussing religious views. Anyway, I find him more of a motivational speaker, than an evangelist. A couple weeks ago, he talked about the past, which hit home with me, since I have been having an issue with this for over a month now.

I touched on it in my last blog, about having things brought back up & used in a disagreement. Basically, my present/future was being predetermined by a friend, judging from my past, which struck a nerve with me. If that isn't how it was meant to be read, then I apologize for any misunderstanding.

I don't believe that idea....that the past determines the present or the future. I think we CAN learn from our mistakes & move past them, not making them again. For example, surely you've heard "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I don't buy it. I don't believe that because a person cheated in one relationship, it proves that he/she will cheat again. I think there had to be serious issues going on in the relationship that need to be looked at, to determine the cause of the cheating. It all depends on the situation, & I think it's possible that if those relationship issues don't come about in the new relationship, then odds are, neither will the cheating.

I know a lot of prisoners don't reform while they're in prison, & when they get out they commit the crime again, but that's not to say that ALL prisoners can't & don't reform. I'm sure there are those that learn from their mistakes, & change their ways.

So, I need some feedback. What do you think....should one's past define what the future will be?

Trust me...

Logical Psycho wrote that a blog on trust a few months back. Since I’m on that subject once again, I’ll refer back to his blog.

Two things he mentions stick out to me.

"Trust"...not only an important word,but an essential ingredient in any close relationship."

"...they can confide anything to me without fear of judgment..."

I think he’s right. Trust is very important. Not just in the area of infidelity, or suspicions thereof, but in friendships too. So is being able to confide anything without fear of judgment.

I also have a friend that told me "to trust someone you must first assume they aren’t trustworthy. Since I always trust people I continue to do so until they prove they cant be trusted." Another good point.

Sometimes close friends share with each other their pasts, their mistakes, their secrets, & just generally things that they wouldn’t announce to every person they meet. Once these things are shared, though, it’s with the understanding that they’ll still be accepted by their friend, & said friend won’t use these things against him/her in an argument, or to make a point. I think it’s a huge disappointment & betrayal, when that divulged information is thrown back up in your face. Aren’t true friends supposed to accept you for who you are, mistakes & all? Perhaps my views on a close friendship are too demanding? How does it make you feel, when you find out that information is used against you by your friend?

Super-TAG

I was tagged, days ago, by Darron. This has got to be the longest tag I've ever done. Thanks, Darron...I owe ya one!

Part One: 15 random things about me

1. I've never had a broken bone. (Thank goodness.)

2. Although I'm not superstitious in the traditional sense, I don't like calling attention to the blessings in my life, for fear something bad will happen.

3. I was a Girl Scout from Brownies through Seniors. That's second grade through twelfth.

4. I was a Girl Scout Leader for three years.

5. Even after all that scouting & camping, I probably couldn't light a fire & keep it lit, if my life depended on it.

6. I was voted "Miss Sweet & Shy" my first two years of High School.

7. I took organ lessons for seven years, played in recitals, & even performed at a local restaurant.

8. I couldn't figure out word problems in Math class to save my soul, but I LOVE doing the Logic Problems in the Crossword books.

9. My ex & I "studied" with Jehovah's Witnesses off & on for 11 years.

10. I visited Mexico City when my cousin got married, & a group of us took a VW van ride to Acapulco with a few of my cousin's friends from the area....that was a cool time!

11. I have a huge pen fetish. I have more pens than I will ever use in a lifetime!

12. I love playing board games & cards, especially Pinochle.

13. I tried the Quija board with my son, & it eerily spelled things out. He refuses to try it with me again.

14. I have two friends (that don't know each other) here on Myspace, that live in a NJ city that my family lives in, & it isn't a big city, like Trenton. What are the odds?

15. I can fall asleep anywhere & anytime. This doesn't fare well when you're driving home in afternoon traffic.

Part II: 10 messages to anonymous friends:

1. I hope your goals come to fruition soon. You deserve it.

2. I'm glad you appeared....I like hearing from you.

3. If we were to meet IRL, I think we'd chat like we'd been friends for years!

4. We would have a wild time together IRL....with lots of laughing (& drinking).

5. Don't try so hard.

6. Never settle for the comfort zone.

7. I hope the hard decisions you're making are truly going to bring you happiness, with no regrets.

8. I miss you being around.

9. Keep your sense of humor always.

10. Don't get caught up in the control of another.

Part III: Brief Reflection: 1 Sentence describing every year of your life

Come on....EVERY year? I'm cheating...

6 First grade....couldn't wait to start school!

14 Ninth grade....new school where none of my classmates went, trying to fit in...

18 Graduated...got my first job (yeah, I was spoiled), which was the best thing for me!

21-23 My first serious b/f....what a waste of time!

24 Started dating "the ex"

25 Married "the ex"

26 My son, Christopher, arrives!

27 Started my "part-time" job, that turned into full-time hours

28 My second son, Corwin, arrives...just in time for Christmas!

31 Started management program at Bob Evans

38 Divorced

Sometime after that.....joined Myspace & made lots of great friends!

Part IV: 5 Cool and Crazy Things I'd Like to do in the Future:

1. Go back to college & get my degree.

2. Go to Europe, long enough to enjoy it & do some genealogy work too.

3. Travel within the US.

4. Watch my sons realize their dreams & goals.

5. Become debt-free. (Yeah, a crazy thing!!)
Part V: I'm out on that one!

Now, for the tags:

1. Logical Psycho

2. ~Steph~

3. Dianna

4. Toothless Harry

5. Foss
Good luck!!

Double the trouble....double the fun?

For some reason, I volunteered to be interviewed by both Eightezchic and Darron. Double the trouble, no doubt! I'm combining their interviews into one blog. Now you have more than enough information about Char, I'd say!

Jackie's Interview:

(1) How long have you been on myspace? Since June, 2005. I didn't really interact until March of 2006, when I started joining blog groups.

(2) Like me, I see you are divorced. Would you marry again? I'm not against the idea of marrying again, but this time I would have to know he's "the one".

(3) Have you ever met anybody from myspace in person (not counting people u actually know) I have met someone from Myspace, not having known him IRL beforehand.

(4) What do you do for a living? I remember you saying you work on weekends, doing what? I work my first job in an office doing everything but payables, & my second job is at Red Lobster...as Alley Coordinator & Kitchen Production. That about takes up all of my free time!

(5) I notice that you, like me, love the sexy pics, clothes, etc.
We go on a shopping spree to Victoria Secret. What are we buying? We're getting something lacy, & girly, &.....black, I think....babydolls. (For this trip...next time, pink!)

Darron's Interview:

1. What's the most difficult part about 'dating' right now for a person in your age bracket? My "age bracket"?? Pffft....you're only as old as you feel....and I don't USUALLY feel my age, thank you! The most difficult part is finding someone that we truly enjoy, & will meet our expectations, rather than just going out for the sake of going out with a warm body.

2. Why do you choose creative artwork as your default picture instead of pictures of you and your family? Honestly, we don't have pictures of all of us together! I don't like the pics of me I do have, & get tired of seeing myself everywhere I go. I'd rather look at angels or creative artwork.

3. You are stuck on an island and can only bring an iPod loaded with one artist on it. Who do you bring? Easy, easy!! Barry Manilow. Not only is he my favorite singer, BUT...he sings all different genres, so I won't get bored with the same type of songs!

4. What are your thoughts on flirting through myspace, and do you feel people use it to stalk people? LOL...is this a trick question? I think online flirting is easier. In most cases, you probably won't meet, so why not enjoy the other's personality? IRL, flirting can be misleading, if the other wants to pursue more, whereas you don't have that complication online.

5. What advice would you give to men on myspace to make the proper impression on women on myspace? I would say that men come on too strong & too bluntly. They should get to know the personality, & actually pay attention.

That's it....phew....I'm done!

Now, to interview those that volunteered....Stam, Arris, Eightezchic, Scotty, Gordo, & Darron.

Voluntarily Interviewed by a Psycho...

My friend, LOGICAL PSYCHO, wrote a blog having been interviewed. I like challenges, so I asked to be interviewed by him. The rules follow below.....c'mon, participate...it'll be fun!

1. You're an avid blog reader; what genre of blogs interests you most,and why? I like all types of blogs, but I really like ones that involve thoughts....religion, philosophy, politics....all the subjects that people don't like to give opinions on....lol

2. What is your favorite hobby? I love to research my genealogy, but it takes a lot of time to concentrate on it, which is why I haven't gotten back into it in a while.

3. If you had the opportunity to meet Shawn Michaels,what would you say to him? You mean, I'd have to speak?? If I could find my voice (& stop drooling), I'd probably babble something stupid about liking his moves.....WRESTLING moves....perverts!

4. Do you believe in astrology,and all that goes with it? I haven't really looked into it much, until lately, but I find it interesting that the description of signs come eerily close to how people really are. My description comes awfully close, though not perfect, as to who I am. I'd actually be interested in learning more spiritual thinking.

5. Will you be my closest friend forever? You have to ask? Of course, as long as you'll have me.



*** After you finish, leave these instructions on your blog... ***



Now if you'd like to play along, please follow these instructions.

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog (so you have to have a blog) with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five