October isn't just a pink month...

This month isn't just about Breast Cancer Awareness. Did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? And apparently, it doesn't mean just romantic relationships, either.

Saturday mornings, I go to work for just long enough to pick up the mail, make any bank deposits that need made, & take care of any loose ends from the week. I walked in this past Saturday, & the boss had put two of our little heaters in my office, turned them on, & shut my door. My office was nice & toasty. He had also ordered a new, larger space heater in hopes that the gas heat won't be turned up too high this winter. He put the new heater in my office & had me leave it on so that the office would be warm on Monday.

I thought it showed how underneath his rough exterior, he DOES have a heart & can be a nice guy. After all the yellings & complaining he has done in the past month, let alone eight years, I was impressed. I was telling someone about it, & I could tell by his reaction; he was not impressed.

I realized then, that my thinking was typical of people who have gotten used to some type of abuse.

Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, isn't that how things usually go in abusive relationships? The person gets beaten up, & then the abuser comes along & does something nice, or apologizes, & the person accepts that, thinking the abuser still cares & is sweet, but then the pattern begins.

In my mind, I always thought of it as looking deeper into that person & thinking they had good intentions & a good heart underneath, but I think it isn't as basic as that. Perhaps they do have a heart, but those moments of apology & niceness don't negate all of the other words & actions to the contrary that we endure in-between.

Those moments can't possibly take away the effect that all the negativity has had on us. We just push the negative effect to the back of our mind, when these nice gestures are given to us. In actuality, we stay in a trap; like a hamster wheel.

I was actually shocked to come to this realization on Saturday, just by the reaction I received to the story. Shocked that my job can be likened to a mentally abusive relationship, & shocked that, once again, I can be sucked into not seeing the true picture. Perhaps I'm a slow learner, or a glutton for punishment? I'm easily satisfied by morsels of kindness, chalking it all up to the repressed goodness of people being shown in those moments.

Maybe these people do have a heart, but the acceptance of the negative behaviour allows them to get away with being negative bullies the rest of the time.

What we do with that knowledge is up to us. Tolerate it, knowing that we're allowing the behavior to continue, or not accept it anymore. And sometimes, that may just might mean....moving on.

Destiny calling...

I've heard that our lives are following some type of plan....we each have some type of destiny to fulfill.

I've been told that the people that have come into our lives & will come into our lives in the future, are all part of a purpose in this path of our destiny. If that's the case, then that means that we are also affecting their destiny. I can probably pick out good things that have come from each relationship & friendship, some lesson learned. I just hope the people I affect can say the same! That also means that the events & situations that we've gone through all serve some purpose too.

We all make our own choices in life, though. So, how is it that a destiny is prepared for us, if we're making choices that wouldn't follow along with the plan?

I have a hard time grasping this theory. Do YOU believe in Destiny?



See what I mean??

Toxic Thoughts

I watched Joel Osteen last week, & the premise was how we need to stop listening to toxic thoughts & remember who we are. Of course, he meant it in terms of remembering that we are all God's children, preparing to fulfill some destiny, (which is a blog topic in itself) but I'm not trying to Bible thump. I see his sermons as more motivational & inspirational, rather than religious.

It had me thinking of just how true it is, letting in these toxic thoughts. We start listening to negative things, & begin questioning ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts, & sometimes the basic core of who we really are as a person.

I read a couple blogs recently that all tie into this subject. Each from a different perspective. One pointed out just how cutting words can be from others, especially under the guise of "just being brutally honest". His point was that it doesn't show much class, & it's just another way of being cruel. Have you ever been on that end of that honesty? Basically, you either end up thinking, "what a bitch", OR, you start feeling like crap about yourself. I've walked away from conversations feeling beaten down....wonder if that makes the "honest" person feel better in comparing us?

We all carry our own personal demons & deal with them in our own way, in our own time. Some can deal with them head-on, quickly dispensing them from their thoughts, & move forward. Others turn outward, causing havoc & chaos to everyone around them, releasing their demons, "spitting out the venom" (as one of my old managers used to say).

And still others bury them, especially if we start listening to others & their negative thoughts. As a friend pointed out in her blog, we're told by people...our friends, family, society, whoever....to move on, quit dwelling, get over it, etc. I have another friend that says her dad's famous line was, "What are you crying about? Get over it". She started to think that she shouldn't feel bad, & by all means, don't let on if you do. Same with the advice my mom gave me, when I was the fat kid getting picked on in school. "Don't let them know it bothers you." So I didn't, but it did. You begin to conform to feeling in terms of what's acceptable. Or, some will compare what you're dealing with to their own problems, & they don't have the same degree of severity, so yours are quickly discounted. That doesn't change how you feel, or negate your feelings, it just encourages you to keep it to yourself, because you start to believe that yours doesn't compare, or it isn't rational to feel as you do.

Negative thoughts come at us in all forms, whether it be our family, friends, coworkers, bosses....when was the last time you were handed a compliment at your job? I know MY boss is quick to point out anything wrong, but do something right, & it appears to be overlooked. Sometimes it seems we're surrounded by these toxic thoughts, about a variety of subjects, & these thoughts start seeping in. It's important to dispel those types of negative & toxic thoughts & focus on ourselves, & that it's okay to feel, & heal, & do it in our own time. We need to do what's right for ourselves & our own happiness, despite what others try to tell us.

**Sigh** Easier said than done sometimes....an ongoing process...

I'm fibbing....or not....

Well, I have been tagged again... this time, by Behind a Plastic Smile. He says it's a little retribution from when I tagged him last time....I forgot all about that tag (**crossing fingers behind back**).

Here's the deal:

I have to put 10 statements about me, that can be answered with a simple true or false. Let's see how much you know about me! (if you know nothing, feel free to guess based on attitude, lifestyle, or however you wanna classify me)

I've done tags like this before, but since I'm too lazy to go look them up (& that handy little box up top isn't working), I'm guessing none of us will remember if I repeat myself! Geez, this took forever for me to come up with...

Here we go:

1. I studied with Jehovah's Witnesses for years, complete with Bible studies and not celebrating holidays.
TRUE. I studied with them for most of my marriage, so....12 years.

2. I have been married twice.
FALSE. Married once, one long-term mistake, I mean...relationship.

3. I like to argue & get my point across.
FALSE. I really don't like to argue, but I will, if necessary.

4. I am completely organized.
FALSE. I need a lot more organization!

5. I had an online relationship.
TRUE. I thought it was a strong bond, & not easily forgotten.

6. I like to figure out mysteries, subliminal messages, secret codes, reading between the lines, etc.
TRUE. I love figuring out hidden messages....the things unsaid, etc. I should have been a sleuth...lol

7. I have a sister, but we haven't spoken in years.
FALSE. I'm an only child.

8. I've had a journal since I was 15 that I write in daily, without fail.
FALSE. Although I had started a journal quite a few times, I've never kept up with one for very long.

9. I have a hot temper that flares quickly.
FALSE. My anger is more of a slow burn.

10. I am a packrat.
TRUE. I have to force myself to part with things. It even carries over into being an online packrat...I need to clean out my inbox badly.

Now, on to the victims:

Darron
Cherie
Dianna
Lee-Amber
Swampy
Randa
Foss
Arris
Lanie
and my last choice is Sex (Mahoney, perverts!)And a bonus tag: Gordo...I think he likes these things!


Thanks for playing!

* Note...if you know an answer...please don't say why you know...then it gives others clues...and who wants that??? Lol

It is what it is...

In my last blog, I mentioned that I would be meeting some friends that I had met on Myspace, & I have to tell you, I had a great time at both events.

I've seen quite a few blogs that discuss the point of whether friendships & relationships online can be real, & I would still argue that real bonds are made this way. Meeting in person just solidifies & strengthens those bonds.

The first event was a cookout with friends that I have been interacting with for years on here. I believe we all had a great time, & I'm looking forward to doing it again.

Don, Billy the Squid, Carl, Mistress in Distress, Malka, Cherie Amour & Me.



The next event was over a week ago...I can't believe I've been back that long already. We had such a good time.


If you've been around a while, then you've seen these familiar faces in my blog parties. I finally got the chance to meet them, by all of us gathering in Michigan for a Poison concert. You have to check out Dianna's blog for the rundown on the weekend.

And there you have us....ready for the weekend of events to begin...
Dianna, Eightezchic, her man Gene, Me, Steph & Darron. Darron was a great host, & we had a blast. It was completely comfortable in meeting with everyone, because we all had been friends already.



I didn't take advantage of opportunities in the past, so this time I couldn't pass it up, & it was totally worth it. Check out my friends & their pictures of the trip, & don't forget to stop in to Dianna's blog & say hello.

Great opportunites, great moments shared, & great memories....it is what it is....real.

To stalk, or not to stalk....

I'm just going to throw this out there for your opinions. Got your thinking caps on today?

Myspace stalking.....what actions make up stalking around here?

Carte blanche....wtf?

Carte Blanche....wtf?
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: MySpace

I don't know about anyone else, but I like to save things, like momentos of a time gone past. Call it sentimental, call it a nostalgic walk into the past (as Alan would call it), it's just me. Heck, my mom & dad saved all the letters they wrote each other during their courtship (& that was over 50 years ago), so maybe it's genetic for me...lol

Anyway, I don't often go through my old comments, but I happened to be looking not too long ago, & I was missing comments. How did I know? Because they were comments from someone who is no longer on my friend's list.

It isn't merely that these comments are now gone, although that disappoints & hurts me. I understand the wherefore & why of...SOME deleted comments. What really bothers me is that Myspace has these rules, like that you HAVE to be a friend in order to leave comments, or that you have to be a friend to email, yet a non-friend can come along to MY profile, & just erase every trace of evidence of ever having been there? How can that be? How can someone who is no longer friends with you, have carte blanche over YOUR profile, erasing comments & photo comments? Doesn't that sound...a little off? WTF??