October isn't just a pink month...

This month isn't just about Breast Cancer Awareness. Did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? And apparently, it doesn't mean just romantic relationships, either.

Saturday mornings, I go to work for just long enough to pick up the mail, make any bank deposits that need made, & take care of any loose ends from the week. I walked in this past Saturday, & the boss had put two of our little heaters in my office, turned them on, & shut my door. My office was nice & toasty. He had also ordered a new, larger space heater in hopes that the gas heat won't be turned up too high this winter. He put the new heater in my office & had me leave it on so that the office would be warm on Monday.

I thought it showed how underneath his rough exterior, he DOES have a heart & can be a nice guy. After all the yellings & complaining he has done in the past month, let alone eight years, I was impressed. I was telling someone about it, & I could tell by his reaction; he was not impressed.

I realized then, that my thinking was typical of people who have gotten used to some type of abuse.

Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, isn't that how things usually go in abusive relationships? The person gets beaten up, & then the abuser comes along & does something nice, or apologizes, & the person accepts that, thinking the abuser still cares & is sweet, but then the pattern begins.

In my mind, I always thought of it as looking deeper into that person & thinking they had good intentions & a good heart underneath, but I think it isn't as basic as that. Perhaps they do have a heart, but those moments of apology & niceness don't negate all of the other words & actions to the contrary that we endure in-between.

Those moments can't possibly take away the effect that all the negativity has had on us. We just push the negative effect to the back of our mind, when these nice gestures are given to us. In actuality, we stay in a trap; like a hamster wheel.

I was actually shocked to come to this realization on Saturday, just by the reaction I received to the story. Shocked that my job can be likened to a mentally abusive relationship, & shocked that, once again, I can be sucked into not seeing the true picture. Perhaps I'm a slow learner, or a glutton for punishment? I'm easily satisfied by morsels of kindness, chalking it all up to the repressed goodness of people being shown in those moments.

Maybe these people do have a heart, but the acceptance of the negative behaviour allows them to get away with being negative bullies the rest of the time.

What we do with that knowledge is up to us. Tolerate it, knowing that we're allowing the behavior to continue, or not accept it anymore. And sometimes, that may just might mean....moving on.