October isn't just a pink month...

This month isn't just about Breast Cancer Awareness. Did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? And apparently, it doesn't mean just romantic relationships, either.

Saturday mornings, I go to work for just long enough to pick up the mail, make any bank deposits that need made, & take care of any loose ends from the week. I walked in this past Saturday, & the boss had put two of our little heaters in my office, turned them on, & shut my door. My office was nice & toasty. He had also ordered a new, larger space heater in hopes that the gas heat won't be turned up too high this winter. He put the new heater in my office & had me leave it on so that the office would be warm on Monday.

I thought it showed how underneath his rough exterior, he DOES have a heart & can be a nice guy. After all the yellings & complaining he has done in the past month, let alone eight years, I was impressed. I was telling someone about it, & I could tell by his reaction; he was not impressed.

I realized then, that my thinking was typical of people who have gotten used to some type of abuse.

Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, isn't that how things usually go in abusive relationships? The person gets beaten up, & then the abuser comes along & does something nice, or apologizes, & the person accepts that, thinking the abuser still cares & is sweet, but then the pattern begins.

In my mind, I always thought of it as looking deeper into that person & thinking they had good intentions & a good heart underneath, but I think it isn't as basic as that. Perhaps they do have a heart, but those moments of apology & niceness don't negate all of the other words & actions to the contrary that we endure in-between.

Those moments can't possibly take away the effect that all the negativity has had on us. We just push the negative effect to the back of our mind, when these nice gestures are given to us. In actuality, we stay in a trap; like a hamster wheel.

I was actually shocked to come to this realization on Saturday, just by the reaction I received to the story. Shocked that my job can be likened to a mentally abusive relationship, & shocked that, once again, I can be sucked into not seeing the true picture. Perhaps I'm a slow learner, or a glutton for punishment? I'm easily satisfied by morsels of kindness, chalking it all up to the repressed goodness of people being shown in those moments.

Maybe these people do have a heart, but the acceptance of the negative behaviour allows them to get away with being negative bullies the rest of the time.

What we do with that knowledge is up to us. Tolerate it, knowing that we're allowing the behavior to continue, or not accept it anymore. And sometimes, that may just might mean....moving on.

Destiny calling...

I've heard that our lives are following some type of plan....we each have some type of destiny to fulfill.

I've been told that the people that have come into our lives & will come into our lives in the future, are all part of a purpose in this path of our destiny. If that's the case, then that means that we are also affecting their destiny. I can probably pick out good things that have come from each relationship & friendship, some lesson learned. I just hope the people I affect can say the same! That also means that the events & situations that we've gone through all serve some purpose too.

We all make our own choices in life, though. So, how is it that a destiny is prepared for us, if we're making choices that wouldn't follow along with the plan?

I have a hard time grasping this theory. Do YOU believe in Destiny?



See what I mean??

Toxic Thoughts

I watched Joel Osteen last week, & the premise was how we need to stop listening to toxic thoughts & remember who we are. Of course, he meant it in terms of remembering that we are all God's children, preparing to fulfill some destiny, (which is a blog topic in itself) but I'm not trying to Bible thump. I see his sermons as more motivational & inspirational, rather than religious.

It had me thinking of just how true it is, letting in these toxic thoughts. We start listening to negative things, & begin questioning ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts, & sometimes the basic core of who we really are as a person.

I read a couple blogs recently that all tie into this subject. Each from a different perspective. One pointed out just how cutting words can be from others, especially under the guise of "just being brutally honest". His point was that it doesn't show much class, & it's just another way of being cruel. Have you ever been on that end of that honesty? Basically, you either end up thinking, "what a bitch", OR, you start feeling like crap about yourself. I've walked away from conversations feeling beaten down....wonder if that makes the "honest" person feel better in comparing us?

We all carry our own personal demons & deal with them in our own way, in our own time. Some can deal with them head-on, quickly dispensing them from their thoughts, & move forward. Others turn outward, causing havoc & chaos to everyone around them, releasing their demons, "spitting out the venom" (as one of my old managers used to say).

And still others bury them, especially if we start listening to others & their negative thoughts. As a friend pointed out in her blog, we're told by people...our friends, family, society, whoever....to move on, quit dwelling, get over it, etc. I have another friend that says her dad's famous line was, "What are you crying about? Get over it". She started to think that she shouldn't feel bad, & by all means, don't let on if you do. Same with the advice my mom gave me, when I was the fat kid getting picked on in school. "Don't let them know it bothers you." So I didn't, but it did. You begin to conform to feeling in terms of what's acceptable. Or, some will compare what you're dealing with to their own problems, & they don't have the same degree of severity, so yours are quickly discounted. That doesn't change how you feel, or negate your feelings, it just encourages you to keep it to yourself, because you start to believe that yours doesn't compare, or it isn't rational to feel as you do.

Negative thoughts come at us in all forms, whether it be our family, friends, coworkers, bosses....when was the last time you were handed a compliment at your job? I know MY boss is quick to point out anything wrong, but do something right, & it appears to be overlooked. Sometimes it seems we're surrounded by these toxic thoughts, about a variety of subjects, & these thoughts start seeping in. It's important to dispel those types of negative & toxic thoughts & focus on ourselves, & that it's okay to feel, & heal, & do it in our own time. We need to do what's right for ourselves & our own happiness, despite what others try to tell us.

**Sigh** Easier said than done sometimes....an ongoing process...