What Angers You?

I've been meaning to write this blog for days now, & between being busy at work, (my favorite blog-posting time) & Myspace acting up at night (tried to post a comment on a blog twice, & it never did show up), so here goes. It's a quickie.

I rarely get angry. You know, ANGRY....I get mad, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, whatever, but rarely angry. I remember incidents like they happened yesterday, but that's it, they're just memories. Every now & again I'll feel that adrenalin rush to my head in anger, & the words rush out....but then it's over. I don't think I've ever held a grudge, but I know of people that can hold one for years. Does that make me strange? Maybe, maybe not.

So, Question of the Day: (you know I love hearing YOUR opinions) Do you get angry? I mean, grudge-holding, head-rushing, fire-spitting angry, & if so....over what?

A Potpourri of thoughts...

My blog today is just going to be a potpourri, of sorts.

First of all, let me start by saying that Myspace is getting VERY annoying. I tried posting comments this morning, & got that stupid unexpected error message (actually, I kinda expect it by now).....grrr! I normally have a hard time posting regular profile comments & visiting profiles at home, only because for some reason my computer gets so hung up on some of the pretty profiles that I get blocked out of everything for about 15 minutes at a time. (No lie.) I have to admit that I don't look at profile pages too much anymore, except to post comments, since blogs are usually where I head. I'd bet that's how it is for a lot of us.

The computer made the right choice (see this blog), because I was hired for that second job. I start this Thursday. Of course, in order to buy the uniform to START the job, I have to spend 1/2 of the first paycheck I'll get...lol, but that's how it goes. And then, I'll have even more ideas for blogs, because the customer service field is definitely.....interesting (or aggravating, depending on how you look at it).

My younger son has flip-flopped the part of the week that he stays with me, starting last night. I share "custody" (I hate that word) with my ex, so now my son will be at my place during the school week, & his dad's for the weekend. His dad is supposed to move to the next city over, which would mean switching schools for my son, & since it's his senior year in high school, if he stays with me, he can still go to the same school. I love it because it gives me the chance to make dinners for him, help with schoolwork (if THAT'S possible nowadays!), keep a schedule....I'm looking forward to it. Donna Reed is my heroine! Oh yes, June Cleaver too. (Yes, that's a whole different blog...later...)

Last thing: Don't you think it's a little early for for the stores to put up the Christmas displays? I can understand getting a headstart on shopping, but September? I love the holiday season, the movies, the songs, but I am NOT ready for the snow! Besides, Halloween hasn't even arrived yet!

Computer Dependence...

I have been toying with the idea of getting a second job for a long time now, but haven't really gone actively hunting for a job, except a couple places. Last week, my son talked me into applying at the restaurant where he works his second job. I know, another restaurant job...I must be nuts! Anyway, I applied, & the manager called the next day to set up an interview. So far, so good...

Last night was my first interview. The whole process just boggled my mind. The manager sat me down & whipped out a paper that she read to me, saying how she would ask me questions, jot down notes & wouldn't make a lot of eye contact. Okay, fine...fire away, right? So, she wrote down notes about my answers, didn't discuss them or question them at all, then moved on to 2 timed tests. They were easy, I got the answers right (woohoo), then she tells me that she has to fax the papers in (don't ask me where) & the computer will tell her if I can be scheduled for a second interview. Let me stop right there....

What the.....?? A computer decides if a person gets a second interview?? Back in MY day, (I just had to say that!) when I was a restaurant manager, we had to do interviews the old-fashioned way. (Well, that was 6 1/2 years ago, I didn't realize times had changed THAT drastically, though.) We had to make up our own questions, not read from a paper, & then use our own judgment as to whether they'd make a good candidate to move on to a second interview. Heck, half the time, we didn't even give them a second interview, we just hired them after the first!

I wonder if our evolution of society is becoming SO dependent on computers that we can't even make decisions based on logic, reason or common sense? Don't get me wrong, I love computers & would be lost at my job without it, since recording the data by hand would be very time-consuming, (How did they do it years ago?) but are we getting TOO dependent on them?

We shall see how my second interview goes tonight. Will it be a "real" interview, or will the computer interview me?

Things that make ya go...hmmm.....

Due to unforseen circumstances, my SO moved out....out of state, out. It wasn't because of our relationship, he just wanted to go elsewhere. So, at first I thought...."yes, my out!", but then I felt sadness, & don't even know why, since I'd been pussy-footing around about separating forEVER.... The first day I came home from work alone, it hit me. I couldn't even believe how sad I felt.

But, that was a week ago. I'm getting used to it, & I don't really mind being alone. There's still things I miss about having him there, but I know this is the best thing. He still calls, & since I still haven't come right out yet & said not to, I feel obligated to explain where I am & what I'm doing, & that makes me angry with myself. I'd really like to remain friends, if that's possible, because although he isn't right for me, he isn't a bad guy....he has a heart of gold at times.

Actually, he's kinda making it easy for me. I met a friend for coffee the other night, & he couldn't get ahold of me on the phone, so he said that if we're over I should have the guts to tell him. Which I should, but don't. Soon, though, very soon.

I thought I'd feel a little more relief than I do. Maybe the freedom just hasn't sunk in yet.

Wish List...Tag, I'm It!

I have been tagged by O'Colman (thanks, Jim!) to provide my wish list....FIVE things! This took me forever to figure out, I'll have you know...don't ask me why...

So, without further ado, I shall list the five wishes that come to my mind first:
1. To own this car:
















2007 Pontiac G6.......Isn't it pretty?

2. To work so close to home, that I'm there in like, 5 minutes!

3. Well, I would say one billion dollars (complete with pinkie in the corner of my mouth), but that's been done before (right, Jim?), and I wouldn't know what to do with myself with that much money anyway......although, I have some ideas. So, I would just say....bunches of money, so that I have a nest egg, retirement would be no worry, both my sons' education would be paid for, & enough money to pay all the bills on time & still have enough left for anything or anyone else I'd like to spend it on. Okay, I guess that IS a lot of money!

4. To have a house like this, or some variation of it:


5. To be able to move around this doggone Myspace without getting hung up, especially when it comes to blogs....grrr! I would say I need a new computer, but I've seen too many complaints from others to know that it's not just me!

Okay, that wasn't so bad. I'm pretty easy, I guess. Now for my tags (& if they participate, the lists will be awesome reading):

A. Billy the Squid

B.One Hit Wonder

C. The Urban Shaman

D. Cherie Amour

E. Malka


Have fun!

An Offline Romance

Today is my dad's birthday. He would've been 90 yrs. old! (Hey, he started out late in life....must've been waiting for just the right woman to come along!)

I'm a lot like my dad. Too much, probably. He was so easygoing that rarely did it ever seem that anything bothered him. Anyway, though, I thought today I would share my parents' little story of their romance, just because I think it's cute.

In the early '50's, my dad & grandfather were living together after my grandmother died, in Cleveland. I guess my dad used to travel a little. My mom was living in New Jersey with her parents, (since back then the girls usually didn't leave home until they were married) & she & her sisters used to travel. She was in her mid-30's, he was in his 40's. They met while vacationing, & hit it off so well, that they became "pen pals". Oh, they would meet each other occasionally; she would come to Ohio, or he would go to New Jersey, for the weekends. (And stay in motels.....get your minds out of the gutter!!) Other than that, they wrote letters to each other, basically every other day, or weekly, & somewhere along the line, fell in love & decided to get married. They had to delay the marriage a year, because her dad died in 1957 when they had planned on it, but they did marry in 1958. From what I saw, they were a perfect match, rarely argued, & lasted together until he died in 1980. I have both sets of letters....it's funny to see a side of your parents that you probably never even think about. ...pre-children!

Of course, had they had the internet back then, it probably wouldn't have taken so long! Pony Express you know...and actually writing by hand, buying the stamps, licking the envelopes, the WORK involved!! lol So, i think of it as a kind of online romance, but offline!

Karma, Destiny or Divine Intervention?

I have a Question of the Day:

Do the things that happen to us in our lives, be it good or bad, happen as a result of our karma, or is their a life's plan that we're destined to follow, or is it Divine Intervention? Do we have ultimate control over our lives?

Okay, that's 2 questions, I know. I'm just curious what everyone thinks.

Tie Me Up!

Okay, that title was a little deceiving.....but since you're here:

As I read different blogs, & even in conversations that I have, sometimes I pick up on a phrase or comment that sticks with me. Then there's a lot of times that I'll think, "OMG, that's just like me!"; it's nice to know I'm not the only one with the thoughts I have...lol

Anyway, I read a blog this morning, that had a comment saying, "...tie up loose ends...." Isn't that great advice? I perceive it in relation to me (well, it is MY blog, afterall), & taking control of my life. I'm so focused on just "making it", that I'm spinning wheels & have no focus. I'm like the little boy in Holland that plugs up one hole in the dike, & the water gushes through another hole; I get so involved putting out fires here & there, that I'm scattered. (yes, like my brain!) I'm not even sure this makes sense to anybody else, but it makes sense to me. Taking control. It's kinda like my blog about making lists.....bringing some organization to my life.

I don't make future plans, not even a month in advance. And guess what? One years rolls by like the next, & I'm pretty much where I was say, 3 years ago. Now, I don't suppose that would be too bad, if I lived in a fairy tale life, but it's disheartening for me to think that life's just rolling by, the same from year to year. Have no fear, though....just because I get disheartened, doesn't mean that I'm all doom & gloom. In fact, I don't usually feel very gloomy at all...lol

But, on the cheery side....there's hope yet. Yes, I plan on following those words, & working on tying up my loose ends. This shall be my current project; it is so decided.

I'm rambling today...

It's a gloomy day..actually, it's just a sprinkle, not even a steady rain, I'm listening to Christmas music at work, & my mind has gone into a grey state (thus, the new profile look)! So, I decided instead of writing on one topic, I'm going to ramble on various thoughts that are rumbling around in my brain. Why? Why not?

1. I have a pen fetish. I'm writing checks to pay the bills (no, I only WISH they were MY bills I'm paying) & I've gone through 6 different pens, at least, trying to find exactly the right one. Okay, a little strange. I did that when I took Stenography in high school too. I had to have a certain pen, smoothso I can right faster!

2. I'm tired of hearing all those clichés.Live life to the fullest, To thine own self be true, Love makes the world go 'round, & all that Dr. Phil advice....blah, blah, blah. Don't get me wrong, a lot of it may be trueI'm just tired of hearing it.

3. I'm tired of watching old news. Going over the same story 18 times a day bothers me.

4. My poor little Charlie died over the weekend, & I miss him. No, it wasn't my co-worker (although, HE got a raise Friday.bully bully for him!). I had a little blue beta fish here in the office.for THREE years. I came in yesterday morning, went over to greet him, & there he wasbelly up! My little companion in my frustrating world of work!

5. I'm still irritated by people's profiles expressing how they want to meet ANYONE, then they can't even take the courtesy to just deny you. It's not like it's a marriage proposal, for god's sake! Side note: How long can one sit pending a friend request anyway? Does the request drop off after, say 10 days?

6. People that start blog groups (those little ones on the blog home page) & then have either a private profile, or private blog. What's the point? I read a girl complaining no one reads her blogs, then found out you have to add her as a friend before you could read them...What??

7. On the whole, though.myspace is cheaper than therapy, & you meet lots of cool friends..so that's a good thing. See, I'm not COMPLETELY negative today!! Lol

Okay, I'm done.for now. Back to the bills. Dang, where'd that pen go?

Cool pen, huh?

***Update, or add-on....I just saw this on a profile & had to share:

"ABOUT FRIEND REQUESTS. PLEASE EMAIL ME OR READ MY STUFF AND COMMENT BEFORE YOU SEND A FRIEND REQUEST. I WILL NOT BE "FRIENDS" WITH ANYONE UNDER 21. I WILL IGNORE FRIEND REQUESTS FROM PEOPLE WITH NO PHOTO UNLESS THERE IS A GOOD REASON. IF YOU SEND TONS OF BULLETINS, I WILL DROP YOU. I USE THE BULLETINS TO KEEP UP WITH FRIENDS, BLOGGERS AND COMICS/BANDS I AM FOLLOWING. I CAN'T DEAL WITH TOO MANY CHAIN LETTERS, ETC. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. :)"

I don't know, is it just me, or does this seem just a tad too serious? Maybe it's me, & I'm not serious enough about Myspace? Just a thought.......

Is it over?

I think I've come to a revelation! And, since blog writing is way cheaper than seeing a therapist, here I am!

I know that I have to end the relationship I'm currently in; I've known it almost from the beginning, why I've stayed so long is just a shame. I believe that my lack of motivation to end things stems from a couple different reasons. At first, I thought it was financial. Going from two incomes to one. Then, I thought that perhaps I was just afraid of flying solo. But I've been doing a lot of hard thinking, & I don't think either of those are it.

This is my newest thoughts:

1. I hate the thought of the actual face-to-face owning up to how I feel, & his reaction to it.
2. Even though I know that ending it would be beneficial to ME, I just don't feel the urge to go through all it entails. It's like being told smoking isn't good for you. We all know it, but it doesn't make us give it up....until we finally can't breathe because of it, or worse.

Now, finding the courage to just do it, to take the steps.....that's the hard part.

Men!

I put the subject as men, but I don't really refer to all men. Just the losers, the ones that always get the girls, & everyone else looks at the relationship & says, "How did he get THAT girl?".

I'm in one of those relationships. Not that I'm all that, I'm not boosting myself, here, I'm just saying that to take an objective look at our relationship, even I wonder how we're together. I've known for awhile now that I won't be happy staying in it, but I have a hard time just saying to him that it's time to end.

Without getting into specifics, let's just say that he & I are from two different worlds, & although I've been with him for years, I really am not happy in his world. He can be a sweetheart sometimes, & other times an ass. Aside from that, I don't really think we respect each other, which is probably the root of our problems.

So, why do girls stay with these losers? No nerve, no balls, tolerance, fear?

Respect

Respect:

1. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
2. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Whenever I hear the word respect, I'm always at a loss to figure out exactly what that means, so I went to the dictionary & got two of the formal definitions. Seeing the words in black & white, I realize that the concept of respect is so simple.

First, & foremost, we have to have respect for ourselves. THAT'S the hard part. Yesterday I had an altercation with someone that I hold in the highest respect. It continues to haunt me as I write. It also has me doing a little more soul-searching, & looking for the answers.

It's easy for me to respect him; it's almost as if I've been holding his every word as gospel. Why? I am entitled to have my own emotions & thoughts, just as he is, and if they don't always coincide, then I shouldn't feel as though I'm the one that's wrong, nor should I have to apologize for my feelings. I believe that respect goes both ways. He thinks that I spoke my mind with no logic. No logic to him, that is. I don't see it that way.

The more I thought about it, the more hurt I felt, & still do. I sent an email, explaining MY logic, which, of course, he totally disregarded & responded with an email apologizing for jumping me. I'm not one to be able to stay away for long, even after altercations, so I talked to him last night. But, in retrospect, his email of apology was probably just his way of pacifying me, so that I wouldn't feel so bad. It has absolutely no respect in it, nor did he address any of my concerns.

I read a blog tonight which stated that the two most important things in a relationship are respect & follow-through. His point was that even though someone SAYS they respect you, the follow-through, or actions, have to show that respect also. In retrospect, I see that by his totally ignoring the email as far as what I had to say, SHOWS no respect for me.

This thought is totally disappointing to me. Since I have always considered him to be so learned, & so intelligent, thus respecting him, it disappoints me to think that he doesn't hold the same respect for me.

The point is, I have to have respect for myself. I am entitled to my own feelings, thoughts & emotions, & they are valid, whether anyone agrees with them or not. I shouldn't have to apologize for having them.

Have you noticed?

Doesn't it seem funny to you, or is it just me, that the more you get to know people, & the friendlier you become, the harder it is to say exactly how you feel? I know, I know, you're supposed to be able to say anything to your loved ones & true friends, but sometimes I think it's easier to open your mind & soul to strangers. Weird, huh? I mean, how easy is it to just say exactly what you think to a stranger? You couldn't care less what they think, whether they agree or disagree, & how they feel about you after they hear your thoughts. Thus, I needed a new blog spot. Somewhere that I can write my thoughts & not worry about repercussions. Perhaps just to hear myself think!