Tie Me Up!

Okay, that title was a little deceiving.....but since you're here:

As I read different blogs, & even in conversations that I have, sometimes I pick up on a phrase or comment that sticks with me. Then there's a lot of times that I'll think, "OMG, that's just like me!"; it's nice to know I'm not the only one with the thoughts I have...lol

Anyway, I read a blog this morning, that had a comment saying, "...tie up loose ends...." Isn't that great advice? I perceive it in relation to me (well, it is MY blog, afterall), & taking control of my life. I'm so focused on just "making it", that I'm spinning wheels & have no focus. I'm like the little boy in Holland that plugs up one hole in the dike, & the water gushes through another hole; I get so involved putting out fires here & there, that I'm scattered. (yes, like my brain!) I'm not even sure this makes sense to anybody else, but it makes sense to me. Taking control. It's kinda like my blog about making lists.....bringing some organization to my life.

I don't make future plans, not even a month in advance. And guess what? One years rolls by like the next, & I'm pretty much where I was say, 3 years ago. Now, I don't suppose that would be too bad, if I lived in a fairy tale life, but it's disheartening for me to think that life's just rolling by, the same from year to year. Have no fear, though....just because I get disheartened, doesn't mean that I'm all doom & gloom. In fact, I don't usually feel very gloomy at all...lol

But, on the cheery side....there's hope yet. Yes, I plan on following those words, & working on tying up my loose ends. This shall be my current project; it is so decided.

I'm rambling today...

It's a gloomy day..actually, it's just a sprinkle, not even a steady rain, I'm listening to Christmas music at work, & my mind has gone into a grey state (thus, the new profile look)! So, I decided instead of writing on one topic, I'm going to ramble on various thoughts that are rumbling around in my brain. Why? Why not?

1. I have a pen fetish. I'm writing checks to pay the bills (no, I only WISH they were MY bills I'm paying) & I've gone through 6 different pens, at least, trying to find exactly the right one. Okay, a little strange. I did that when I took Stenography in high school too. I had to have a certain pen, smoothso I can right faster!

2. I'm tired of hearing all those clichés.Live life to the fullest, To thine own self be true, Love makes the world go 'round, & all that Dr. Phil advice....blah, blah, blah. Don't get me wrong, a lot of it may be trueI'm just tired of hearing it.

3. I'm tired of watching old news. Going over the same story 18 times a day bothers me.

4. My poor little Charlie died over the weekend, & I miss him. No, it wasn't my co-worker (although, HE got a raise Friday.bully bully for him!). I had a little blue beta fish here in the office.for THREE years. I came in yesterday morning, went over to greet him, & there he wasbelly up! My little companion in my frustrating world of work!

5. I'm still irritated by people's profiles expressing how they want to meet ANYONE, then they can't even take the courtesy to just deny you. It's not like it's a marriage proposal, for god's sake! Side note: How long can one sit pending a friend request anyway? Does the request drop off after, say 10 days?

6. People that start blog groups (those little ones on the blog home page) & then have either a private profile, or private blog. What's the point? I read a girl complaining no one reads her blogs, then found out you have to add her as a friend before you could read them...What??

7. On the whole, though.myspace is cheaper than therapy, & you meet lots of cool friends..so that's a good thing. See, I'm not COMPLETELY negative today!! Lol

Okay, I'm done.for now. Back to the bills. Dang, where'd that pen go?

Cool pen, huh?

***Update, or add-on....I just saw this on a profile & had to share:

"ABOUT FRIEND REQUESTS. PLEASE EMAIL ME OR READ MY STUFF AND COMMENT BEFORE YOU SEND A FRIEND REQUEST. I WILL NOT BE "FRIENDS" WITH ANYONE UNDER 21. I WILL IGNORE FRIEND REQUESTS FROM PEOPLE WITH NO PHOTO UNLESS THERE IS A GOOD REASON. IF YOU SEND TONS OF BULLETINS, I WILL DROP YOU. I USE THE BULLETINS TO KEEP UP WITH FRIENDS, BLOGGERS AND COMICS/BANDS I AM FOLLOWING. I CAN'T DEAL WITH TOO MANY CHAIN LETTERS, ETC. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. :)"

I don't know, is it just me, or does this seem just a tad too serious? Maybe it's me, & I'm not serious enough about Myspace? Just a thought.......

Is it over?

I think I've come to a revelation! And, since blog writing is way cheaper than seeing a therapist, here I am!

I know that I have to end the relationship I'm currently in; I've known it almost from the beginning, why I've stayed so long is just a shame. I believe that my lack of motivation to end things stems from a couple different reasons. At first, I thought it was financial. Going from two incomes to one. Then, I thought that perhaps I was just afraid of flying solo. But I've been doing a lot of hard thinking, & I don't think either of those are it.

This is my newest thoughts:

1. I hate the thought of the actual face-to-face owning up to how I feel, & his reaction to it.
2. Even though I know that ending it would be beneficial to ME, I just don't feel the urge to go through all it entails. It's like being told smoking isn't good for you. We all know it, but it doesn't make us give it up....until we finally can't breathe because of it, or worse.

Now, finding the courage to just do it, to take the steps.....that's the hard part.

Men!

I put the subject as men, but I don't really refer to all men. Just the losers, the ones that always get the girls, & everyone else looks at the relationship & says, "How did he get THAT girl?".

I'm in one of those relationships. Not that I'm all that, I'm not boosting myself, here, I'm just saying that to take an objective look at our relationship, even I wonder how we're together. I've known for awhile now that I won't be happy staying in it, but I have a hard time just saying to him that it's time to end.

Without getting into specifics, let's just say that he & I are from two different worlds, & although I've been with him for years, I really am not happy in his world. He can be a sweetheart sometimes, & other times an ass. Aside from that, I don't really think we respect each other, which is probably the root of our problems.

So, why do girls stay with these losers? No nerve, no balls, tolerance, fear?