Due to unforseen circumstances, my SO moved out....out of state, out. It wasn't because of our relationship, he just wanted to go elsewhere. So, at first I thought...."yes, my out!", but then I felt sadness, & don't even know why, since I'd been pussy-footing around about separating forEVER.... The first day I came home from work alone, it hit me. I couldn't even believe how sad I felt.
But, that was a week ago. I'm getting used to it, & I don't really mind being alone. There's still things I miss about having him there, but I know this is the best thing. He still calls, & since I still haven't come right out yet & said not to, I feel obligated to explain where I am & what I'm doing, & that makes me angry with myself. I'd really like to remain friends, if that's possible, because although he isn't right for me, he isn't a bad guy....he has a heart of gold at times.
Actually, he's kinda making it easy for me. I met a friend for coffee the other night, & he couldn't get ahold of me on the phone, so he said that if we're over I should have the guts to tell him. Which I should, but don't. Soon, though, very soon.
I thought I'd feel a little more relief than I do. Maybe the freedom just hasn't sunk in yet.
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